Madi V Writes

I started reading Maame by Jessica George, immediately Maddie’s disenchantment with adulthood is deeply relatable. Her disdain for her job and uncertainty in how to become her own person without leaving her family behind. I have high hopes for her growth. I hope she learns how to put herself first and that she will know this too is a service to others.

Much like Maame’s Maddie I am disillusioned with my current line of work and spending every spare moment searching for something I might be passionate about. I’ve applied to four new jobs today and I think I’d really enjoy a few of them. My real problem on this journey towards a new job is that I can excite myself over any opportunity remotely better than my current job. I’m serious I do it every time. I’ll write “trying not to hype myself too much for it this early in the application process” and then write another page about how I envision the next three months of my life in that job. The great thing about this is I can write a killer cover letter. The bad thing about this is I am crushed by rejection. Every. Time.

This crushing sense of rejection is kindling the fire of frustration I try my best not to tend to while working in a call center. I fight the flames with phone calls to friends at the end of my shift. We talk while I make myself dinner, a roasted chickpea wrap. I make three of them so I can have them for breakfast and lunch tomorrow without the work of actually making them.

I spend the rest of the night editing yesterday’s blog post. I am enjoying the process of turning these journal entries into something more public. The process of re-reading my days and turning them into something shareable. It is the first time I don’t feel anxious about someone reading what I’ve written. Maybe because the site isn’t public yet, maybe because I’m more confident in my voice than before.